𝗦𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗱𝗲

My heart grows weary within these four walls,

the silence pressing down like an unseen weight.

Every passing second feels like a ticking bomb,

a reminder of the emotions I bury deep inside—

of what I truly want, of what I truly feel.

My mind is a foggy maze, my heart a battlefield.

They quarrel, unable to bridge the gap

that keeps me from finding peace,

from simply existing.

And so, I ask, quietly, almost desperately;

“𝙇𝙤𝙧𝙙, 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙄 𝙖𝙢 𝙢𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚?”

If it is, why does it feel so foreign, so wrong?

Why does this room, this place,

feel like it was never mine to begin with?

Each day weighs heavier than the last,

a burden slowly eroding what sanity I have left.

My heart aches, lost and restless,

yearning for a sense of belonging,

begging for answers.

“𝙇𝙤𝙧𝙙, 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚?”

If it is, why does this path feel so rough

Each step leaves my feet bleeding,

the pain echoing in every morning

feels like I have to remind myself the

failure about to come, if I choose

not to move forward

“𝙄𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚, 𝙢𝙮 𝙇𝙤𝙧𝙙?”

To be a light for children,

to inspire hope and share my knowledge,

to love them and guide them as if they were my own,

to show them the wonders of the world?

If this is my purpose, Lord,

grant me the strength to fulfill it.

Shower me with wisdom and compassion

so that I may walk this road with courage.

Still, there are days when I wonder

if I am enough—

if I am capable of being what I am meant to be.

Every time I see my reflection,

it feels as though I owe myself an apology;

For not trying harder.

For questioning too much.

For complaining too often.

For being ungrateful for the life I’ve been given.

But I am only human.

Pressured, hurting, and dreaming,

like so many others.

And I hold on to the hope that someday,

this solitude within my heart will find its answer—

that it will be filled with wonder,

with peace, and with purpose.